Staying Positive!

Hello, World!

I've made myself a promise.

Every day I'm going to find something to be grateful for. In a world so full of negativity, it's about someone injected some positivity into it. Even if this only reaches one person, I'll feel accomplished. Life is full of so many good things, you just have to see the good for what they are.

I was thinking this when I was deep in a pit of inner turmoil. I had had a particularly bad day, highly anxious and liable to burst into tears at any minute. Then I had an idea for a blog post – I was going to vent – spit out everything that was poising my head at the time, get it all out on the page and just for a moment and I'd feel relieved, even if it was very briefly. Writing has always been my escape, my place to vent so it's only natural that I'd want to write all this down.

You don't know me. You don't know my name yet, and yet here I am. About to tell you a very intimate part of myself, something I wouldn't just approach strangers on the street and tell them (I'd imagine I’d get some funny looks). You know, an anxiety disorder is a difficult thing to talk about to someone who has never suffered with it. I mean, we all get anxious at times but when you have an anxiety disorder it feels like a constant fight for your sanity. You flip out at the smallest things, worry about things most people wouldn't even think about and are often consumed by such a strong wave of self awareness that you feel like you're going to suffocate. I've seen doctors, I've been on so many medications and yet every day I still suffer. There are bad days, very bad days where I want to curl up and die, there are good days when I can get up with a smile on my face and look forward to the day. But then there are days that I'm so crippled by it all that I feel like I could actually die from the feeling of it!

But there's one thing that keeps me going. 1 in 4. That's the number of people that suffer from some form of mental disorder. 1 in 2 of those suffer from an anxiety disorder or depression. No matter how alone I feel, I know that I'm not alone in this. Somewhere out there, someone is going through the very same thing, and they're strong and beautiful and living their lives.

Would I change any aspect of my life? Honestly, no. I have an amazing boyfriend who is completely supportive, the love of my life, who knows when I don't want to talk or when I just need a really big hug. The one person who makes me laugh when I'm close to tears. I have my family who have been with me through it all, I love them so much! And all my friends! This is not a blog about my anxiety. It's just something I happen to have and I will discuss it from time to time. If it helps people to hear others talk about their own struggles.

Remember your mental health does not define you. That is not you, it is just something that you happen to have! You're YOU. A separate, living breathing human being with dreams and wishes!

Because dogs are awesome.

Reason to be Cheerful #1: The cold side of the pillow :)