It gives you the ability to vent your struggles while granting you the anonymity of a computer screen. So when I'm feeling particularly anxious, I like to come here and just write. Even if I don't post, getting the words out helps to drain some of that negativity in my head,
So I don't even know where to start. If you know me, you'll know that I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I keep things to myself except for a very select few people. As such I never know how to put into words how I'm feeling. Because sometimes I can't even explain it. It might be a sense of disquiet hanging over my head or it might be a full blown anxiety attack. It's as if all that adrenaline robs my ability to articulate effectively.
I guess I could start with yesterday. I went to London with my dad, which is way out of my comfort zone. The trains there weren't too busy so I was fine-ish. We decided to go to Oxford Street. I didn't realise how busy it got. People were pushing and shoving in all directions and others were walking too close to me so I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was almost impossible to move which made me feel panicky and out of control. We got the tube back to our station. I had my first panic attack in two years. My heart was racing and I felt overwhelmed with it all, it was like I was operating on autopilot while I felt like I was dying and assessing one million and one different scenarios each scarier than the last. Since then, my anxiety levels have been through the roof. My mood is up and down like a Yo Yo which is making me even more anxious.
I text my boyfriend, then I get the horrible feeling that he doesn't want to know and that he doesn't really care. I've become so frustrated with my own head that all I want to do is to cry.
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